I found out what it's like to have an overly attached gf.

"RotaryLover" (rotarylover)
08/23/2014 at 02:30 • Filed to: Slice of my life

Plot twist: I'm single dammit!

Remember the girl that took cocaine from time to time? She's back and fiercer than ever last night. So it went this way.

She shows up to the bar, sees my shirt that I hate to wear since she loves it to death and thinks I wore it for her. Gets happy as hell even though I tell her that I didn't...it was the only shirt that matched. I go outside to take some fresh air while she's also outside talking to someone else. The conversation went as follow...

Girl: ...oh and this guy over there tried to get along with me!

Guy: So, did you??

Girl: Hell no! I would not even bring this guy in my bed and have sex with him. *Looks at me* But if it was Patrick, I would do it right away! Hahaha jk.

She said that phrase countless times already, I get it and it won't happen!

Now here's the scary part. She asks my mother's name, then she says:

"I can't wait to meet her and make food and do my hair like haitians and take care of your nieces.".

I could not reply...I was overwhelmed with the skippage of stages that she just did.

Oh and wait, it doesn't stop here. I'm too nice, so I offer her a lift since it's 3 am. She had episodes of harassements by nasty cab drivers that wanted payment in nature or/and crackheads doing their things (it's not even funny, I don't know how she does it) that lives next to her house. So she's happy, pays 10$ for gas (I didn't ask for anything in return) grabs my arm and says:

"I really can wait to see my Mother in law (my mom!), she must be sooo nice!"

....yeah...

"Oh yeah and you gonna invite me to the apple-picking day from your work right?? You won't decline like last year huh? My father in law (he's a driver for the company I work for) is going, so you gotta be there!"

We'll see...I do have work during these days.

So I drop her to her place and she asks out of the blue:

"Are you single?".

Yes...

"Oh I'm just flirting with you!".

Ok...Well have a good one.

"Thanks, you're a real gentleman! Good night!".

Good night to you too.

So now I just have no choice to end it all fast...or run!

DISCUSSION (42)

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 02:38

Kinja'd!!!

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 02:41

You know what you have to do... Lace the coke, problem disappears.

Just kidding.......

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 02:50

Kinja'd!!!

RotaryLover > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
08/23/2014 at 02:51

GIFFFFFFFFssssss!!!!

RotaryLover > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
08/23/2014 at 02:53

You're horrible...I like the way you think tho. lol

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 02:55

I'm a back woods problem solver, raised in a household filled with sarcasm. It's what I do.

Big Bubba Ray > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 02:57

RUUUUUUUUUUUUN.

RUN FOR THE HILLS

RotaryLover > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
08/23/2014 at 03:00

Kinja'd!!!

Had to!

RotaryLover > Big Bubba Ray
08/23/2014 at 03:08

I'm trying!

oldirtybootz > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 06:38

Hit it and quit it bro.

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 07:21

You should go back to that model.

m2m, apex detective > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 07:27

Kinja'd!!!

Would rather not.

Long Live the Longdoor > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 08:14

Related advice to live by:

Kinja'd!!!

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 09:34

Tell her "because racecar" and start building one. When she starts asking why you're not spending time with her, use that phrase. Then, when the racecar is built, give her one hot lap around the neighborhood.

Alternatively, buy a wagon with a cargo cover, listen to some traditional bluegrass. The solution will come to mind

crowmolly > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 09:59

In the words of Bruce Dickinson:

Run to the hills. Run for your life.

She is either trying to be "cute" and missing the mark by a mile, or is being obsessive.

Keep your distance.

Adamdoesthings > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
08/23/2014 at 11:17

Lace the coke with what? Coke?

No Prius Needed > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 12:21

You can always scare her away with a Lexus SC430...

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Adamdoesthings
08/23/2014 at 12:32

Powdered acid, anthrax, rat poison, etc.

ch3burashka > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/23/2014 at 13:41

I don't know if that's supposed to be indicative of OP's behavior, or mine as a reader. Personally I feel like the latter.

Conan > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 14:11

Shirt to Goodwill. You to new bars.

Kinja'd!!!

RotaryLover > No Prius Needed
08/23/2014 at 17:59

Funny thing is that she'll act like she hate rich people, inside she'll love it. For example, she hated a 911 Carrera 4s convertible that was next to me because it's for wealthy people, yet she loves my MX5. Fuck logic.

RotaryLover > oldirtybootz
08/23/2014 at 18:03

Bro, she'll snatch that condom from the bathroom and dab it all over...you know. Or hell she might make a hole! FUCKKKK THAT.

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
08/23/2014 at 18:05

*Sigh* Everyone and their mother wants me to be with her...I don't. Unless she contacts me.

RotaryLover > m2m, apex detective
08/23/2014 at 18:06

Me neither man...

RotaryLover > Long Live the Longdoor
08/23/2014 at 18:07

BUT SHE AIN'T HOT!...well...with a bag...

RotaryLover > DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully
08/23/2014 at 18:08

:/ That's too much effort for that person don't you think?

RotaryLover > crowmolly
08/23/2014 at 18:10

That's what I do all the time...I don't contact her at all. If I can bring a girl with me to make it look like I'm dating her, I do it as often as possible.

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 18:11

Because when you get a text that says nothing but

"Want to have sex?"

then all bets are off.

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
08/23/2014 at 18:26

I'd find it fishy if it was the model, besides...I'm not really attracted to her. I don't know why. Now if it was the metalhead, SVX driving, Subaru and cars in general loving (she really knows her shit!), beautiful as fuck girl that I've known for a while but seen only once because she lives 3 hours away from me, I'd be there in 20 minutes!

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 18:28

Because sexy women!

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 18:34

Well, at the end of the first, you'll have no girlfriend and a racecar. At the end of the second, you'll have no girlfriend and a wagon. I don't see a problem with either.

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
08/23/2014 at 18:46

*confused*

RotaryLover > DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully
08/23/2014 at 18:48

Hum...seems legit enough. Yes...yes I think I get it! You want me to dragon cars eh?

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 18:54

Same!

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
08/23/2014 at 18:56

So...will you trade the Fiesta ST for the new MX5...now that you are confused?

Brian Silvestro > RotaryLover
08/23/2014 at 19:01

I'm faltering because I'm weak!

I want to know at least ONE thing about it. Can't wait for them to reveal it.

RotaryLover > Brian Silvestro
08/23/2014 at 19:11